2026年的扫墓

在2026年，总要安排世间去自渡庵去拜祭父亲，在他的灵位面前忏悔，这几年所做的错事无数，希望他老人家在天之灵，能尽一点的力，让自己在今年能避免牢狱之灾。

星期五拿了一天假，花了20元买day pass。早上有去小贩中心帮母亲买早餐，自己买了一包饭，和油条准备拿去自渡庵。早上0745分就出门了，一路驾车到自渡庵，到那里已经是0845分了。到了那里，才发现油条放在家里，忘了带出来。只能献上一包饭，四粒苹果，和一杯咖啡。在那里呆了十分钟。今天在自渡庵的人也不少吧。之后，才把饭菜收起来，去到五楼的零位面前，和父亲忏悔一番。之后，也有去到大雄宝殿，向佛祖忏悔，希望接下来的一个月，能平安一些，心灵完全干净，不生恶念，才是祈福的唯一办法。

之后，有驾车到punggol 那里的coney island 走。因为是周日，在园里的人非常少。走了2个小时，感觉就是一个普通的森林，几乎没有看到什么特别的动物。天气也比较热。走到1245分，才回家，结束一天的行程。晚上有中课，刚好车也能派上用场，可以载母亲去吃饭，然后一起去佛堂。

讲到四月九号的庭审，以为天伟必须出庭。所以只能跟他讲一下。他虽然在公司的假期非常少了，但还是拿了半天假，来支持自己，这都是让自己能感动的地方。在星期四下午，忍不住有打给律师楼问进展。律师楼的回应是，他们还没有正式做工，只写了电邮给·法庭，说王律师会代表我打这个官司。接下来要等九号才上法庭。检控官建议的刑法要到最后的几天才会知道。

案件很大概率不会在九号下判，会等到五月。好事是四月的节目应该可以照样进行，不好的事，自己的焦虑又要延长一个月。有时要问自己，这样的苦日子，几时才会结束？也因为这样，天伟不用陪自己出庭（可以省假期吧）

往前看，接下来这两个礼拜的焦虑只会涨，不会跌。要如何度过这十几天呢？刚好佛堂又没有节目，想想还是要花一些时间，多看经典，特别是六度万行法的书（智慧波罗蜜）。最后，在人力没有办法的时候，只能依赖天的引导。不要因为案件，而让自己患上忧郁症，再困难的日子，有天的帮助，还是能过的。最重要的是自助，所谓人生最大的贵人，是努力向上的自己。每天要做三件事，努力戒色，努力行功立德和努力孝顺母亲。接下来的日子尽量省钱，除了要交昂贵的律师费和可能交的罚款，下半年还要买新的二手车（给予佛堂用）。游戏没有必要，就尽量不要充值。

写到这里，真心希望上天保佑，不会谈恋爱的，不好色，单身是必然的。

GOD bless all the time ， 慧台

和alan 去扫墓的经过 （2026）

这个三月份，是我一辈子最难熬的一个月，从10号接到charge sheet 到现在（13天），没有一天不提心吊胆的。但21号的班还是要讲的。只有勉强自己，静下心情，星期五（20号）拿了一天假来背稿。下午有去裕廊东走一下，拿了新的电话网络 （ZYM mobile） 和买了一架新的电视机 （ 用 capital voucher ）

21号，早上驾车去到alan 的家，帮忙载alan 一家人去到万里骨灰安治所去做扫墓的工作。到alan 的家大概是0850分了。Alan 的太太这次准备了六袋的金银纸和两张椅子，放在车厢，然后一路到万里。到那里大概是0940分（比预定的十点还要早。） 今天的出席的人虽然多，但感觉比去年少一些，也比较容易找到停车位子。开始先去拜祭alan太太的公公墓碑（在BLOCK B），献了饭菜，烧了三袋的金银纸，等了15分钟，之后才改到 blk K ， 去祭拜alan太太的父母，有机会和alan 和他的太太讲起求道，他们没有什么反应，只能等下次见面再讲了。

最后有去BLK J拜祭alan 的母亲。因为alan 的哥哥和姐姐都是基督徒，所以要求alan , 不要用金银纸来拜祭 ，连饭都没有，只能放鲜花。在那里呆到1145分，便离开那里去fortune center 吃饭，结束一天的行程，下次见面的时候，是自己买新的二手车后的事了。

回顾这几天的感想，因为案件的严重性，心里十分彷徨。母亲知道了之后，也显得很担心。这几天时不时都会不停的念，不能说自己不烦，但心里还是体会到母亲无限的焦虑。和自己说，就是自己做错事，让母亲担心，本身就是不孝的一种。未来这个月，到下个月9号的庭审，将会是非常困难的时期。和自己说，必须在母亲面前表现的乐观许多，要让她感觉问题不大，不会坐牢罚款就能了事。（希望能应验i/o 的祝福）。和自己说，能行孝的时候，就要马上行孝。剩下就只能看天意。

最后，和自己说。只要念头正确，未来没有过不去的路。案件暂时不要去想，等月底律师回应进展时才来想。也不用拿太多假期。到时如果需要辞职而假期拿不完的话，就当送给公司吧，这个月就算真的拿假，也没有心情去那个景点走走。只能在家看书。这些日子，只要空闲没事做，心情反而会很低落。所以要设法要让自己忙下去，希望这些日子不要过得太辛苦。

写到这里，真心希望上天保佑，不会谈恋爱的，不好色，单身是必然的。

GOD bless all the time , 慧台

A visit to the lawyer firm (a confirm case of jail term)

On Tuesday (17 mar), I made an appointment to visit HOH law firm at Jurong, a 10 minutes’ walk from my company. I took a one and half hour of time off and reached the office at around 1605 hours, I was given form to fill up while waiting for the lawyer. The lawyer ( Mr Wong ) came in at around 1630 hours. The interview takes around 90 minutes, where I answered questions in the scenario on how I encounter the CSAM material, I can only give estimates as I don’t remember most of the details. Mr Wong then briefed me about the case SEC377BK . As reference to the most recent cases, a jail term of minimum three months cannot be bargained. But he promised to try to fight for me at the lowest possible sentence. The lawyer fee is estimated to cost me 6000 dollars, but I tell myself, this money is something , I will have to spend.

Looking backwards, thru out the 7 days since I got the charge on the 10 mar has been unbearable. I often unable to sleep well at night and unable to eat well during the day, learning Japanese and playing er hu becomes an impossible task for now. Sometimes, I wonder how I managed to get myself to such a mess. I can only tell myself (早知如此，何必当初)。 If I had not visited the emule web server during 2022, all these will never happen. But I have to admit , times will never get back to 2022, I can only look forward.

Looking forward, I guess I must tune my thoughts a lot, and start to accept some jail time for up to 6 months. I must be positive and think in a way that with remission and HDS (home detention scheme), I might be released a lot earlier. Job wise, I will wait until the sentence is out before deciding whether to quit. If the sentence is a bit shorter than 3 months, I might be able to talk to my manager to take no pay leave instead of quitting.

Finally , I must tell myself to always do the right thing ( 戒色) regardless of the sentence imposed and I would strive to do the right thing for the rest of my life. Lastly，I should post some photo of the dinner with my 堂哥 / 堂妹 on 9th march 2026

写到这里，不会谈恋爱的，一个人也要很开心

GOD bless all the time , 慧台

A tough day at the state court

On the 12 of march , I had to take another leave to attend court. I woke up at 0700 am , took my breakfast and left my house at around 0750am . I reached china town MRT at around 855am . and within 10mins , qide arrived as well . we walked to state courts , enter the place and goes to level 4 ( court 4a). after I register , I went in to the courtroom with qide.

The place was pretty big with the court being split with the gallery by a thick glass, there were quite a number of people sitting in the gallery ( most of them look like relatives of those who are supposed to be charged . there were several case before me , and half of them were conducted with the accused on TV( video link trial ). After waiting for 40 mins , its finally my time on the dock . I didn’t see any DPP on the seat, just that the judge only ask a few questions like , do you plead guilty (yes), do you need a lawyer ( yes , from public defender ofiice ) and the case wee adjorned to 9 apr for PG ( and for mitigation ).

Later , qide indicated that he wants to end his bail , I have to get tianwei to come in also . they two went out to bail center to do transferring of bail ( in person ). Meanwhile , I was being led to a room , and was handcuff and legged cuff. After wards , I was led to basement 2 to be lock up. The whole experience is simply unbeareable. In the lock up room , I spent around 30 minutes . there were lunch being served, but I decline since I was vegetarian ( probably there are no such option) . there were 3 malay guys and 1 chinese guy in the lockup as well chatted briefly , one of them is on a trafficking charge , and another 2 guys on fighting (riot) charge.

I managed to get discharge after 20mins in the cell. I managed to meet tianwei outside the court , thank him for his help before going to B1 for legal aid at the public defender office . I had to wait for 1 hour while I looked thru the brochure. From there , I realized I was not eligible for any legal aid , as my salary is way too high. I thank the officer attending to me , and left for lunch

After lunch , I make a call to HOH lawyer firm to seek a lawyer . there is not much response from the phone call , so I can only whastapp the official number , they replied later in the evening , confirming a date that I can visit the office at jurong east at Tuesday afternoon. I went home early and decide to come clean and tell my mother what had happen. She was quite worried if I would be sentenced to jail , but I really do not have the answers. I can only comfort her that things would be fine in the end , in Chinese words , 上天慈悲，会保佑的，.

Looking forewards, I guess the next two months would be the toughest time of my life . I need to stay positive all the time and yet be realistic as well (in the event of jail term）. Going oversea for holiday seem impossible for this year and I would probably spent a bomb trying to clear my case . I should withhold sending in my resignation until I meet the lawyer next Tuesday.

GOD bless all the time , huitai

Finally the end of my case soon (but with a lot of sadness)

Finally , the i/o called me at 3 mar 2026 indicating outcome after a 2 years investigation. I though the case would be ending with no charge ( and a warning letter ) , and I might finally be able to go overseas soon. I even managed to get a passport photo taken at JEM , preparing to make a new passport ( probably unable to use it for now).

I was informed by the I/O to visit the HQ with my bailer for the last time. We met at jurong point and took bus to the HQ. we reached at the venue at around 1020, only to realized that I was being served the charge paper (instead of discharge ), that I had to attend court sessions 2 days later, Qide mentioned that he is very busy recently and wish to stop being my bailer. The officer reminded qide that his role as a bailer would only end after I attend the first court session. Later The I/o brought me to a room and brief me on what to expect on the court session , and was given a form to write, so as to persuade the judge for a more lenient sentence , I cant think and any think to write except words of apology and hope to be given another chance. Talking about the sentence, the charge sheet indicates jail time extendable up to 5 years, but it seems to me it is not a compulsory jail time for the sec 377BK(1) . The I/O said that I should not be thinking of jail term for now, and if I can get a good lawyer for mitigation, I might be able to get away with just a fine (that what I seriously wish for)

After the session with the I/o , I went home heavy hearted. Finally this is the last time I need to report to the police station. qide insisted that he did not wish to continue as bailer , I can only find a new bailer. The only person I can think of is tian wei . I briefly called him . and he managed to agree after getting his leave approval.

In the afternoon , I took a nap at home, before leaving my house for a walk at Chinatown ( and to familarise the route to the state courts. Afterward I had a brief walk at the park evening in attempt to cool down . In the evening , I had my dinner at funan center before going to BB ( 保安)

Looking backwards, the case has given me a lot stress and uncertainly over the last 2 years . not being able to go overseas is always sad. Exactly at the end of the second year, the case is now coming to a close but definitely not the way I hope for. With the charging, I would have to be mentally prepared for some jail sentence. Questions I would need to ask myself , how long would the jail term be? Would I need to quit my job before serving the jail time , how do I break the news to my mother . thus , I can only pray for the best outcome(fine only) to the worst outcome ( three months jail term with one or two stroke of the cane). In such adverse scenario , I could only pray to GOD to seek forgiveness and a lot of divine help , so I could get a slightly more lenient sentence . meanwhile for the next two days, I can only fill up my time preparing “博“ document , so io could think less about the case , and relax a bit more .

I should stop for now ,

GOD bless all the time , huitai

新年过年的经过（延续版）

本来没有想要再写新年相关的博客，想想这几天发生了不少事，心情起伏也是蛮大的。写多一个博客，用来回忆过年下半场的感想，也是应该的吧！

新年的初七回到公司上班。同事们都非常冷淡，除了PANTRY的AUNTY 以外，基本都没有同事和自己讲到话。自己很久以前的上司（ Richard ） 终于回来OFFICE，问一下，才知道，他已经是最后一天在公司了，要回来还笔记型电脑，他的一年合约到期了，没有被续约。加上隔壁的以为缅甸同事又换了位（坐到别的地方了），基本上连见面打招呼都没有机会。公司星期五有新年的午餐聚会，因为不想去，所以只能拿假。和自己说，需要和一群讲不到一起的同事坐在一起，连一个小时也挺难熬的。相比起来，就算只能在家吃泡面，感觉也是比较开心的事。

过年期间的下半场，没有可以拜年的亲戚朋友，晚上都是在家准备应负责的资料。“博”的资料在3月15号之前交稿。和自己说，应该自己尽的责任，不要忘记。其他的不愉快的事情就不好太在意。星期五，拿到的假期，本来是要出外走走。结果还是在家赶资料出来

讲到游戏。存了15个月的魅力分，终于在26年的二月底有机会冲分了。意外的冲了17万6千分，但领魅帝的过程一点都容易，面对“传说盟“的挑战 ，在最后十分钟还得充值两个67元，才勉强过关。能拿到帝的头衔，还是一间开心的事。接下来一个月，就不冲任何”帝“或”王“ 了

周末有两个拜年的活动。星期六在区的活动，难得红桃的母亲有来参与。礼拜天的QSN 活动，相对就比较少人出席。讲到新年的展望，和自己说，在新的一年，要对自己诚实，应该改的毛病，不要给自己重犯的理由。今年局势非常不好，才年头就迎来了美国攻打伊朗的消息。所以什么事，学会看开，放下。希望不久的将来还能够出国旅行

写到这里，不会谈恋爱的，一个人也可以很开心

GOD bless all the time , 慧台